last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
