Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
