He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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