i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
honey bunches of taint.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
whose ass print is on the piano?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
