How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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