Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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