u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
