my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's the barista slut.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
