Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
