i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
