i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
