There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So. Much. Porn.
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