I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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