I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
