It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well you can't waste a boner
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
