dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
