GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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