what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
