I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
