umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
