never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
