So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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