I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
