Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize