My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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