You can't motorboat a personality
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
