i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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