i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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