So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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