Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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