Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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