She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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