it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
