I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
