I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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