i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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