Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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