Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
