I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
