some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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