I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
