So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
