Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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