Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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