Already got asked if we're dating
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
