this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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