Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
