i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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