This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
vagina is talking i cant
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
