"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
4 words: hood of his car
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
