8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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