so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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