was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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