she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
