tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
