I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you still have your period?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
