so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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