I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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