i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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