How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
