I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
