and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
