So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
