I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
