A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
