I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
