My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
bring money and cleavage
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
