Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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