More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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