oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize